We have all experienced betrayal in one way or another. When we start to share our stories or scenarios, we often become emotional and tear up because we recall the pains we felt. Sometimes, when betrayal comes from our own family members, we tend to accept it as a normal part of life. However, this acceptance comes at a cost, as it affects our mental well-being and shapes our perspective on life, often without us even realising it.

 When it comes to infidelity, society frequently casts the finger at men, while women receive less scrutiny. However, many married women commit infidelity, which is frequently concealed by societal biases that provide them with additional cover. This mismatch means that female infidelity is usually underestimated, leading to misunderstandings concerning the true scale of the problem.

UNDERSTANDING BETRAYAL AND INFIDELITY

 Betrayal: A profound breach of trust that causes deep emotional pain.

 Infidelity: The act of being unfaithful in a committed relationship, breaking the bond of trust.

THE CONSEQUENCES OF BETRAYAL

 When a wife and mother commits infidelity, the emotional consequences on her family are severe. The husband, taken aback by the betrayal, experiences a severe loss of trust and self-esteem. This emotional suffering can show as rage, grief and a profound sense of inadequacy. Even when forgiveness is extended, the experience often leaves an invisible scar, making it difficult to reestablish intimacy and trust.

 The wife, weighed down by guilt and regret, struggles with her identity and self-esteem. She may experience depression and anxiety, feeling she has failed in her roles as both wife and mother. The realisation of her actions leads to a profound sense of failure and self-loathing.

 Children who witness their parents' emotional dispute may develop feelings of insecurity, confusion, and mistrust, leading them to question the stability of their relationships and harbour doubts about fidelity and love. This experience can shape their future relationships, making them wary of commitment and vulnerable to emotional instability.

REASONS FOR INFIDELITY

Women may cheat for various reasons, including:

●      Emotional Neglect

●      Opportunity

●      Association with bad friends and negative influences

●      Lack of contentment

●      The lies and falsehood of social media

●      Dissatisfaction

●      Human vulnerability

●      Seeking Validation

●      Feeling Undervalued

●      Desire for Excitement and Adventure

SOLUTION TO DISCOURAGE INFIDELITY:

To avoid the devastating effects of infidelity, couples should prioritise open and honest communication. Here are some other steps to help prevent infidelity:

●      Seek Counselling: Professional help can provide tools and strategies to navigate relationship challenges effectively.

●      Express Appreciation: Regularly acknowledge and appreciate each other's efforts and contributions.

●      Foster Intimacy: Create opportunities for emotional and physical closeness, ensuring that both partners feel connected and valued.

●      Address Dissatisfaction: Discuss feelings of unhappiness or dissatisfaction openly and work together to find solutions.

●      Prioritise the Relationship: Make time for each other, nurturing the bond and intimacy that forms the foundation of a strong marriage.

●   Think about the consequences of your actions on you, your family, your friends and your circle.

CONCLUSION:

Recognising the shared human vulnerabilities that lead to infidelity can create a more compassionate and effective approach to healing and prevention. Infidelity, especially when it comes from a wife and mother, leaves deep scars on a family, affecting every member in profound ways. Couples can work towards building a stronger and more resilient relationship, preventing the devastating effects of infidelity.

This popular statement drawn from a famous musician known as Billie Ocean lays credence to the importance of resilience and a resilient mindset. It is not the wish of any person to fail as everyone wants to be successful their endeavours but there are procedures and steps to follow in order to achieve this. Some of those procedures and steps include strategic planning, hard work, discipline, determination, dedication and a resilient mindset which encourage the spirit of endurance.

You may have a strategic plan of action but meet challenging situations in the course of its implementation which make you to capitulate. A great football team at one or many goals down is the one that works till the end of the game in order to make reducing the goal tally or even win (fight to finish). This is a clear description of resilience.

Remember that living fish swim against the current. Dead fish flow with the current.

A resilient mindset makes you to be courageous and to conquer fears and worries. After all, a champion is someone who chooses discipline over excuses.

People give up because of the following factors: People want quick outcomes, People care about what other people think about them, Lack of discipline, Plans not well prepared in line with SMART principles of specific, measurable, achievable, realistic goals and with good timing and finally, alack of belief in themselves.

It takes a resilient mindset to stay focused with a vision and that's the spirit of “Never Say Die”. We should learn not to allow our challenging limitations prevent us from achieving our dreams. Learn to manage your emotions and be mentally and emotionally strong and always remember that when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

Betrayal is a wound that never heals. It leaves a scar that reminds you of a pain inflicted by someone you trusted. Just one experience of betrayal can cause negative emotions and mental health issues for the one who was betrayed. It could also motive offending as the victim may try to cash in on any available opportunity to address the worries and anger that follow the incident of betrayal. The negative consequences of betrayal on both the one that betrayed and the victim of betrayal cannot be overemphasised and include: perpetual rancour / acrimony, mental health sicknesses, loss of life, loss of trust leading to unfriendly relationship and existence, increase in high blood pressure, fear, anxiety and a host of other negative emotions and outcomes.

Betrayal is pain arising from broken trust due to high expectations from others. To lessen this effect, lessen your expectations from others, Don’t betray others because you reap what you sow, Learn to forgive for your own sanity, mental wellbeing and overall health.

Fear is one of the greatest enemies of man. It causes confusion and anxiety which also trigger negative emotions, leaving one with indecision and unsuccessful ventures because one tends to give up easily. It fosters negative mental dispositions and can predispose one to premature death.

Courage, on the other hand gives one the ability to overcome and conquer at all times despite one’s challenges and limitations. It leads to peace of mind as it makes one move forward in the face of fear or worry.

While fear is a reaction, courage is a decision.

What are your fears and worries today? Try to identify and name them. It will enable you to learn how to manage them and to emerge courageous.

Never give up today because some days may be longer and other days shorter. There is always light at the end of any tunnel. There is no situation that cannot be overcome so keep your head high and remain focused always.

When we embrace positive emotions like contentment, optimism, joy and love, we will cease to see obstacles as unbeatable and even refuse to quit early when faced with challenges in any of our life endeavors. We will then see obstacles as opportunities to learn and grow for a greater society.

Treasure your mental health.

An African adage used to have it that, "every child is everybody's child”. This adage was the basis for everybody's participation in the supervision and guidance of any child. Because of this, a child was always afraid to engage in any form of societal misconduct as the punitive measures could be implemented from any place and would often go as far as getting the child parents involved resulting in further consequences.

Within that time, say a period spanning up to the late 80’s, parents were seen in the fully involved in the guidance, support and supervision of their children with keen efforts towards ensuring that they are brought up in line with values, morals, standard and discipline. To a reasonable extent, remarkable achievements were made to the extent that integrity, honesty, resilient spirit and hard work were the order of the day as recognitions, importance and emphasis were laid on families with values and good moral upbringing of children. Unfortunately, many societal misconducts that were tabooed then are now points of celebration and recognition hence ‘’centres are no longer holding’’.

The fact is that major factors to the causes of deviant and truant behaviours in our children are often not considered till things go wrong. The home is the immediate environment of any child and is pivotal to any child’s development and growth. A child learns virtually everything primarily from the home.

This brings the issue of parenting to the front burner. What was parenting like then and what is it like now? Are there any changes in patterns and processes of raising children? Why the sudden deviation and development. Parenting has always been and should still be a serious business and plays a crucial role in child development and general well-being but in the 21st century, it has remained a challenge due to a myriad of pressures be they natural, social, man-made, environmental, religious amongst others. Parenting, like every other business endeavour ought to be undertaken by those who are passionate about child upbringing with right frame of mind, mentality and discipline. When parents don't play their child-development role effectively, there is always a responsibility gap which creates room for some behaviours which will be counterproductive to the effective implementation of our goals. Parental hypocrisy, ignorance, moral bankruptcy, relationship issues / failures, lack of discipline, commitment and dedication, and so on are all factors that pose challenges and limitations to parents in the upbringing of their children in our contemporary society.

A strong relationship between parents and their children sets the foundation for the child’s emotional, social and cognitive development. Good parenting involves providing nurture, support and guidance to help children develop into confident and independent individuals.

Family system and parenting in our present-day society have been faced with severe challenges such as relationship break-ups, marriage failures (dysfunctional families), single parent pressures, death of partner, lack of credible parent-support programmes that aid parental responsibility such as child welfare programmes like health, education, free transportations, free education and other empowerment programmes. These challenges usually leave children vulnerable and leave parents struggling for survival and existence while also carrying out these relevant tasks for their children resulting in various emotional and mental health challenges due to fear and anxiety, anger and overthinking. Some parents without a resilient mindset may become vulnerable and navigate to negative options and pathways to survive. Since the future of any society is predicated on the children there must be an enabling framework to aid parenting for them not to misstep.

The vulnerable parent with negative emotions and mental health issues, instead of being a good parent will rather be a conduit for negative parenting which in turns impacts the child’s overall well-being negatively leading them to develop behavioural problems, low self-esteem, emotional problems, substance and drug abuse use, lack of trust, inability to form healthy relationships and truant / delinquent behaviours. Bad parenting occasioned by negative emotions casts a long shadow over a child’s emotional and psychological wellbeing. The point here is that the mental health of children is dependent on the mental health of parents. If the mental health of parents is not in good shape, the child will suffer it more and will become a serious challenge to the society. Let’s join hands to together to achieve a society devoid of mental health challenges and with negative emotions.

Treasure your mental health.