BEREAVEMENT & GRIEF: A MAJOR CAUSE OF EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL BREAKDOWN
The emptiness caused by Bereavement & Grief
With every death, there is a loss and with every loss, there will be grief. You can still find love, peace, joy and happiness after any form of grief no matter the duration.
Grief can negatively affect our mental health and productivity. Frequent occurrences of this emotional breakdown can lead to Depression which is a Mental Disorder. Therefore, it is safe to say that negative emotions are one of the pathways to some mental disorders, depression, addictions and other negative coping mechanisms, unproductivity, unhealthy lifestyles, losses and so on.
BEREAVMENT
It means when someone or something is taken away from us forcefully or violently. This is known as complicated grief and changes a person permanently. It is a sudden event and could be a sudden death of a loved one through murder, accident, heart attack, natural disaster, etc. Note that we can also be bereaved of power, position, marriage, appointment, and we react to these sudden events in different ways especially with shock and numbness. Other reactions are anger, guilt, anxiety, denial, irrational thinking, crying, sobbing or even relief.
Therefore, Bereavement throws one into Grief.
GRIEF
It means intense sorrow or pain we go through because of what we have lost. It also means our response to loss, especially the loss of a loved one. Other forms of loss are loss of relationships, marriage, visa, finances, contracts, documents, employments, properties, promotions, inheritance, political appointments or any form of appointments, positions, citizenship of another country, miscarriages, etc. These losses come with intense pain, sadness, guilt, anger, rage, despair, worry, anxiety, uncertainty, sorrow and fear which are all negative emotions.
The hardest form of grief is the loss of a loved one, a dependent, a child or someone diagnosed with mental disorders or health issues. There are other types of grief such as Anticipatory and Disenfranchised grief.
STAGES OF GRIEF
There are different stages of grief. Different people can experience all or some of the stages. It varies according to the individual’s personality.
The first stage of grief is the Denial stage. This serves as a defense mechanism, a safe zone and a buffer.
The second stage is the Anger stage. This is where the feeling of guilt sets in and you begin to ask all the *why me* questions.
The third stage is the Bargaining stage. You gradually return to clearer thoughts, and you begin to ask all the *what if * questions.
The fourth stage is the Depression stage. Regrets and deep sadness set in, and it begins to affect your sleep, state of mind, productivity, relationships with others, lifestyle, etc.
The fifth stage is the Acceptance stage. This is the winning and grieving stage. It is when you have come to terms with your loss and accept to go through all the emotional pains that come with the loss.
Someone experiencing grief can show some physical symptoms like low energy, weakness, dry mouth, breathing difficulty, heaviness in the chest or throat, hollow feeling in the stomach, etc.
The psychological symptoms of grief are psychological distress, isolation, confusion, yearning for attention, intense dwelling on the past, anxiety, etc.
Grief also has some triggers such as dates like anniversaries, birthdays, locations among others.
Note that children are also aware of death through cartoons, dead pets or people in the family and they reflect their grief through plays. We should pay attention to them whenever grief occurs.
Adolescents have a good understanding of grief, and it can throw them into negative behaviors, anger or guilt especially when they are not carried along in our healing process.
I want us to get into the practical aspect of grief as it relates more to us today.
Let us look at what I term: NATURAL GRIEF VS SELF- INFLICTED GRIEF.
Natural grief or loss is the loss we encounter due to no fault of ours. It could be retirement age, natural death of a loved one, loss of property due to natural disaster, etc.
Self-inflicted grief is the loss we encounter on account of our own carelessness, mistakes, ignorance, negligence, and bad management of our emotions especially in relationships, marriages, visa applications, property acquisition, finances, workplaces, documents, etc. it can also occur because of failed expectations or unhealthy competitions with others.
Natural grief comes with its own traumas, pains and emotions but self-inflicted grief carries more intense negative emotions thereby making one’s life full of regrets, guilt, blames, powerlessness, rage, self-hatred and can easily lead to suicidal thoughts.
Self -inflicted grief can also come from not managing our positive emotions better (emotions like joy, hopefulness, happiness) especially when positive things happen or about to occur in our lives like marriage proposals, acquiring visa, proposed appointment or promotion, contract signing, etc. if we suddenly lose those things, it becomes shameful, sorrowful and traumatic to us probably because we have told a lot of people.
Most times we feel terrible not necessarily because of what we lost but because of the people we have told about our intended success that never materialised.
With each loss in our lives, we should pause and identify the emotions we feel. Find out why you are having such emotions, especially when it is self-inflicted. Only then you can begin to cope and live with them.
copING with Bereavement AND GRIEF
1. Accept your loss. Own it. Express your feelings and come to terms with the situation.
2. Talk about it only with your trusted and caring friends or family members.
3. Don’t dwell on the triggers rather mark the losses in a creative way such as writing poem, listening to music, visit someone with a gift, etc.
4. Regain your self love and confidence by engaging in your passions.
5. Adopt a healthy lifestyle by engaging in meditation, physical & mental exercise, healthy diet and enough sleep.
6. Talk to a Therapist or a Doctor especially when it starts affecting your productivity or you start noticing symptoms like frequent mood swings, fatigue, low energy, suicidal thoughts, less or lack of sleep, etc.
7. Stop ignoring your emotions. Start recognizing them so that you can manage them better.
8. Learn that there is no time frame to grief. Heal at your own pace.
9. Know that you may never recover completely form any form of grief but you can cope and live with it.
10. You can seek out and join a support group.
managEMENT OF Children’s & Adolescents’ Grieving Process
1. Talk to them and explain what death or loss is all about.
2. Help them to feel protected in any possible way.
3. Help them to understand that what happened is real and that it is OK to feel emotional about it.
4. Help them understand that there is no return from death and that they will not see their loved one again on earth.
5. Recognise the child’s sense of relationship with others or the environment.
6. Watch out for possible symptoms of depression in your child such as reduced or increased appetite, insomnia or hypersonic, low energy, poor self-esteem, feeling hopeless, difficulties concentrating, etc.
In a nutshell, accept your loss, identify all the emotions that you feel, manage them better to avoid any form of emotional or mental breakdown.
Denial delays Healing!
Treasure your Mental Health!
-UZOAMAKA NWACHUKWU